Relationship Counselling

How Do I Cope With Our Relationship?

By Relationship Counselling No Comments

Do not dwell on the past or dream of the future but concentrate on life in the present, in the moment…..

I have met many people from all walks of life, the common denominator between all of us is we all suffer the same pain. Emotional pain in any relationship affects our heart. When we have pain from our partners we also have to understand and heal, to have closure and peace of mind.

Gloria was in her early 60’s she was bright bubbly and attractive, she had all the trappings in life she could want, and she was more than secure financially, homes in UK and France, world travel, and two adult daughters and two grandchildren. Her husband, the second, she had dated for over ten years, he too was on his second marriage, and had two daughters and one son, who were all established in life.

She worried about their relationship; why does he not propose marriage? Why? They lived in her country house, and enjoyed a wide circle of friends and had a good social life. This need for legal commitment grew and in time, the thoughts of what if?

What about if in 15 years I die? Or what if something happened to him? What about the house, the monies the pensions… something needs to be sorted out.

But in this relationship Gloria was hell bent on marriage, so with nowhere else to go for either they married, after a 12 year courtship.

Now Gloria is still not happy she has a wonderful life style but is lonely as he spends all this time in his own world, in the study, on his computer doing his own thing. Gloria feels totally sad and unfulfilled with the relationship, it is like living with her brother, but nowhere else to go.

I told her to look at her life, become involved in the hobbies and interests she likes, and this would fill a gap, not necessarily make her feel loved but at least, it will give her some balance.

Talk to him don’t try and change him, plan more things together, were you socialise -and don’t feel the victim, you’re not!  You have what you set out to get. If you had let nature take its course you may not have wanted what you thought you did.

So Live in the moment, not the past or the future, and look at your relationships whoever they are with, in an objective realistic way.

If you are having problems with a relationship and would like a consultation with Susan please leave a message below or, if preferred, use the contact form.

A Personal Note On Loss Through Relationships – I Know You Will Come Through It

By Relationship Counselling No Comments

A new year begins, and many of us make our New Year resolutions, and look forward to what the year brings with anticipation and optimism.  But while one side of life does that, another set of people live in a permanent darkness. Not the night but a darkness within their being, their soul. For many they struggle with loss.   Loss affects all of us in some way, and dealing with loss is very hard and cannot be measured.

In relationships, if  a person is divorcing, or if someone close to you has died you feel lost, alone, hopeless, you can be depressed, you may even feel that this has not happened to you, as though you’re watching it going on and just acting a part but it is not real. This is the body and mind protecting you from the whole trauma.

Let me explain, (this is my personal analogy) let us imagine, a big picture on the wall, it is your life your situation and something that is affecting you. You are in the middle of the photo, but your mind body and spirit is overwhelmed with great pain, but your mind is so clever and so is mother nature, she makes you feel that you’re not in this picture but rather you are watching it. You only see the small picture not the whole of it.

In this way you can cope better, and slowly over time we are able to look at more of our life (the bigger picture) as and when the healing process begins.

At this time of year, in the depths of winter with the holidays behind us it can accentuate the pain of loss in relationships! We all have different coping mechanisms but don’t try and battle this alone.   Join a group, talk about your loss, if  you need medical help get it.

Look at your blessings they will be there. But most of all know that in time mother nature will heal you, slowly but surely the pain will cease and you will leave it all behind you – just as a bird sheds its feathers so will you once again soar to great heights.

For more information and inspiration please leave a comment below or use the contact page to get in touch.